J2W How to deal with rejection

Dealing With Rejection

Try to understand that you are going to feel bad at first.  Feelings are the result of chemicals that your brain makes in response to situations. The feelings that come with rejection are not great but they will get better and understanding this helps. And you can actively do some things to help yourself deal with it.

1. Accept that the rejection will feel bad; it is part of the process of dealing with it. Hoping that job applications will always go swimmingly just sets you up for disappointment. Not getting a job can feel a bit like losing something of great importance. But the feeling will pass if we face it.

2. Ask yourself “what is the truth about this situation?”
   1. Firstly, most rejection for a job comes because each job has so many applications; it isn’t about you. This is particularly true at the moment.
   2. Secondly, if you aren’t accepted for a job there may be things that you can learn from this;
      1.  look at how well your application matched the job requirement – could you have made your case better?
      2. are there areas of your application that you can do more work on?
      3. ask for feedback; you won’t always get it but be persistent, keep asking.
   3. Thirdly, it isn’t the disaster that it seems. It can feel as if the world is against you but in reality, it isn’t.  When we are feeling stressed, we over emphasise the impact of negative things.
   4. Fourthly, look at what you did well and what went to plan.

3. Look at the situation as an experience that you can learn from, rather than everything being outside of your control. Focus on what you can do, rather than what you can’t. Let go of the negative feelings – don’t nurture them by telling yourself how bad everything is, over and over.

4. Try to reframe the experience by looking at it a different way.

Swap thoughts like “They rejected me” for a more positive statement

1. 1. they didn’t need me this time
   2. it didn’t work out this time
   3. this wasn’t the job that was meant for me
   4. their priorities didn’t match mine
   5. I didn’t get this job but that happens; I’m doing something positive by applying

5. Ask yourself what advice you would give a friend who is going through this.

6. Think of someone that you know who always gives you good advice - ask yourself what they might say about it.

7. Do something constructive – go for a walk (exercise releases good chemicals into the brain), make something, draw something, cook a new recipe, read something factual and stimulating.

8. Talk it through with somebody else.

9. Take control of what you can. Plan what you are going to do next and understand that this is another step along a road – it may feel as if you are getting nowhere but actually, if you are putting effort into your applications, then you are honing your skills and moving forward.

10. Focus on what went well and what you can do even better next time.